Or FAQ as we are prone to call it in this modern age. And to be honest, which we strive to be, these questions aren't frequently asked - just anticipated. So, if these AQ aren't ones that you would ask, and something is still nagging away at your craw then you can either contact us via the medium of esoteric-mail, post your query within the walls of The Sheridan Club, or just keep schtum.

Why has The Sheridan Club adopted its particular facade?

So many of us, for a variety unmentionable reasons, are forced out press our noses to the corporate grindstone, toiling away the most vital of our waking hours for the benefit of faceless fat cats rather than frittering it away for our own amusement. But what if you could spend those hours at your computer exchanging badinage and causerie with similar ill-fated souls?

Well help is at hand - quite literally, or at least visibly! The Sheridan Club is designed to look like Windows help so rather than look like an idler and an internet junky who should be severely censured, you will look like a clueless chump constantly consulting help. And because it looks like a proper application, Mac users also feel comfortable using it in, that bane of working life, the open plan office where our screens are forever under scrutiny.

Which browser will serve me best?

The Sheridan Club has been lovingly crafted to work with Microsoft Internet Explorer. It is believed to work with version 5 and above, although if for some strange reason you are using an earlier version you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. It is equally at home on the Apple Mac as it is on Windows.

Whether it works on any other browsers is quite frankly a mystery. A number of technological wonders silently operate under the beautifully tooled surface of The Sheridan Club, and a combination of lassitude and lack of time have thwarted us in making sure it works for marginal browsers such as AOL, Opera, Safari, Mozilla, etc, and of course the various incarnations of Netscape. If there is a sufficient body of interest in having one of these aid you in your profligacy then we might stir ourselves to do something about it. We do, of course, reserve the absolute right to be wastrels and do nothing.

Are cookies used?

Yes. But for nothing sinister. They are used in an attempt to make your life easier. The Sheridan Club will work if you have exercised your Briton's right and turned them off, but that would be like life without an able manservant. Impartial advice on enabling cookies on your browser may be gleaned here, and if you click here some of the sinsiter myth about them may be exploded.

Within The Sheridan Club biscuits are used for two purposes. When you read a topic they keep a record of the last missive you've read - so you don't have to labour through missives you've already read when someone posts something new. A biscuit is also used to store your password so The Sheridan Club may present it to you when you are about to post - hence you needn't go through the tedium of typing it every time, which might also lead to the embarrassment of getting it wrong.

Why does scripting need to be enabled?

The Sheridan Club has adopted the look of Windows help to allow it to be surreptitiously used. To achieve this it has to have scripting enabled to keep up its pretence. For independent help on enabling scripting on your browser you could do worse than click here. Some comfort on the use of scripting (aka Javascript) can be found here.

Why would I want a visiting card?

Because it is only good manners to be able to present your credentials to the assemblage rather than skulk about under an assumed identity. It will also gain you access to certain recesses of The Sheridan Club. By having a visiting card it will also mean you have a password (known only to you and the Registrar) which you use to post your missives, and so other members of The Sheridan Club may be certain that the pearls of wisdom attached to your name have actually been emitted by you rather than some charlatan. And it will remove those unseemly quotes from around your nom-de-clavier.

How is a visiting card acquired?

This signature will be then used to resplendently display your name alongside your missives.

It may take up to a day to stir the Registrar into issuing you your card. In the meantime you can post using your chosen name which will be shown in quotes. Once the card has been issued all missives which you have posted under your chosen name will have the quotes around your name swiftly removed - you will notified via esoteric-mail immediately your card is published. From that moment on you should use your password as, if you continue to use your chosen name, it will be tagged with the legend Charlatan.

Do I always have to post using my visiting card?

No. Instead of using the password which accompanies your visiting card, posting with the name of a celebrity or famous person from history is an admirable way of inducing a comedic effect or providing an alternative spin to an ongoing debate. Just doing it for the sake of it can become rather tiresome though.

Is my esoteric-mail address kept away from prying eyes?

Absolutely. Your esoteric-mail address is used by The Sheridan Club's Registrar to communicate with you details about your membership. It is never divulged to anybody outside the confines of The Sheridan Club, nor indeed to members of the Sheridan Club. It will not be used for the deplorable practice of unsolicited esoteric-mail. Aside from correspondence from the Registrar there is the slim chance it may be used to privately communicate with you on issues regarding repeated breaches of etiquette or matters of your own privacy - if, for example, it has been noted that someone has happened upon your password.

Is my IP address stored anywhere?

Yes. But it is stored safely against each and every one of your missives and is completely ignored, and thus inaccessible to the world at large. The reason for this is if etiquette is breached or someone starts fraudulently using your visiting card, it can be examined by the backroom staff at The Sheridan Club (and only the backroom staff) and the perpetrator unmasked.

What subject matter may my missives contain?

Anything you like. But be aware that, as everywhere, subjects such as politics and religion usually elicit a strong response. When you do post a missive its contents should not breach etiquette. Also the subject matter of a missive may vary wildly from the first missive in the topic.

Are any views expressed those of The Sheridan Club?

Not necessarily. The Sheridan Club is an open forum and as such any views expressed are not necessarily those of The Sheridan Club, its members, or its staff. Those who post missives are encouraged to do so with a sense of decorum, civility, and a certain etiquette.

Must I stick to the topic?

Think of the title of a topic as something related to the first missive. Think of each missive as an exchange of views in a conversation. And there you have it, like a conversation the topic will change over the course of time, so there is absolutely no onus to stick to the topic as described by the title. If you want to drag the conversation back to some earlier point use the Reply Quoting facility.

Is there an etiquette I should observe?

Yes, but only broadly, although The Club Secretary may have something to say about specific words which you have used. The main points of etiquette which you should observe are set out below:

Why does The Club Secretary see fit to maul my missives?

The Club Secretary moves unencumbered around The Sheridan Club eavesdropping in on your conversations. He sees his role in life to maintain standards within The Sheridan Club. So, of course, when you utter words which fall foul of his high ideals, he will feel he has no choice but to correct you using a less offensive, but possibly less appropriate word. His intrusion may render your missive unintelligible, so whilst bearing in mind etiquette, it is also worthwhile considering how The Club Secretary might view your missive.

Why is it so arduous to apply alternative formatting across my missive?

The Sheridan Club has been crafted to look like Windows Help. Within Windows Help the subject matter tends to have a uniform look, and so it would be inappropriate for your missives to be overly adorned with glitzy formatting. It also has the effect of hopefully, rather than you using it as a matter of course, making you think about how you would best use alternative formatting - for example to emphasise a particular word, or perhaps to show the title of a book you are expounding.

There is another advantage in the way The Sheridan Club allows you to format your missives. Because it uses well placed punctuation characters to achieve its effects, rather than court any attention from the workaholics around you, you can compose your missive in whatever application you're supposed to be using before copying and pasting it into the annals of The Sheridan Club.

Where can I find out more about The Chap Magazine and its philosophies?

Magazine is a quarterly publication offering servings of advice on personal grooming, revolutionary etiquette and common courtesy, along with guidance to those cast adrift in a world of increasing vulgarity. You can peruse it in its ethereal form, or subscribe and every three months an object of delight will land on your doormat.